The Cheshire Cat Walks Beside Me.

Like a ghost shepherding a lost soul the feline has oft appeared and walked within my shadow throughout my tumultuous and bizarre life. Often from afar they peer deep into the recesses of my well traveled mind and communicate with the cat woven into my essense. The left-over energy from a past life lived as a mysterious yet intelligent feline. It's the delicate way in which I walk and tread lightly around squeaky spots in the floor, or the heightened-sensitivity to noise; still yet, perhaps it's how at night I come alive. Of course my intuition is also quite cat-like; a gift that I will always admire my mother for passing onto me. Anyway, the list of traits I share with the cat are uncanny and reassuring. Regardless, who wouldn't want to be watched over by one of the most mysterious, ancient and intelligent creatures ever to walk the skin of Earth?

Ironically I have had a rather aloof experience with the feline community over the years. That said, if you know anything about cats then you are aware that cats are often independent, solitary creatures, so it isn't uncommon for cats to avoid one another. In my case, I would frame my relationship with other feline energies to one of mutual respect and tolerance. You might be saying, "Green man, aren't cat lovers supposed to smother their cats?" Actually, from my experience cats prefer limited interaction and that is why having a feline friend would be good for me. Both the cat and I like our space and independence yet like to have a friend around for rainy days. But I digress a bit from the original thesis of this essay. I was speaking about cats walking along side my path like old, trusted allies letting me know that I'm still in the secret society from my past life living amongst their silent kind.

Every place we've moved (my wife and I), cats have always found us. Around the marking of the millennium, my wife and I were newly weds living in Boulder, Colorado. I was following my high-school theatre dream of getting my university degree in acting but as the schizoaffective disorder mercilessly took over my mind I was failing a lot of other class like math and science. I was on a bad streak of downward slips into the deep bowels of depression when one day I came home from classes and saw a beautiful tiger stripe house cat sitting on the deck fence. I stood still and remained quiet because like me, cats have a tendency to spook. I also didn't look at her directly in the eyes but she didn't leave.

So I softly walked over to the stairs just to her right and below and sat on one of the steps; squishing my body against the hand railing to give her plenty of room to feel comfortable. Then, we just sat there in perfect, rejuvenating silence. Her soft presence and quiet, limited movements were like guidance from a Zen master on how to slow down and concentrate upon the immediate moment. Together we enjoyed that moment, which included a nice warm gentle breeze blowing through the pines trees just in front of the deck. One of the best smells to help me relax is the fresh scent of pine in the air. It's a fresh scent that does have this seemingly inexplicable power of giving you a feeling of being cleansed of heavy, stagnant energy.

My feline friend watched over me for about 15 minutes before taking one last look at me and slipping off into the bushes. My heart was in bliss from that intimate, one-on-one bonding with that cat as she helped me stop and just enjoy the moment. It was a wonderful gift and that is how most of my cat encounters go--intimate but respectful of the others space. Cats and I seem to have this unspoken understanding and ability to communicate with the mind. It must be the shared intuition because I don't feel that with any other animal. Then there are the stray cats that always seem to know to come to our house for some food, shelter and help. We've lived in our current place for about 10 years and in those 10 years we've had at least 4 strays end up at our house. It's like they can sense the familiar energy and know this is a safe place for them to come. Besides me, my wife is also a big animal person so between us we send out the right signal I guess.

We're vegetarian in part because we love animals so much but the funny thing is that we keep some cans of tuna fish around for our feline family to eat when they show up on our doorstep tired, scared and hungry. I share with you one last story about my connection to cats because I see I'm going on long with this post. My wife use to work with this woman who had tons of dogs but only one cat, so he was often overlooked. One late afternoon my wife and I were visiting their house. The people who live there were being their usual clueless, unaware selves and after a short while I began to feel that someone was watching me, and it was increasing with intensity the longer I didn't look. It felt like the side of my face was slowly but surely warming up. So I turn my gaze over and notice their cool, laid-back cat staring right at me. I felt immediately that he wanted something, so I asked in my head, "What do you need friend?" And I know this sounds kooky but after I said that in my mind the cat looked up at this empty food dish on the counter and then back at me again!! Immediately I asked the woman who lived there that I thought the cat was hungry. So she went to grabbed the kitty food and this cat was already on the counter waiting for his meal.

I have a strong feeling that I was a priest in a past life too in ancient Egypt where I had a lot of connection with cats because of vivid dreams and visions I've had, which is also partly why I have been attracted to Crowley for some time, but from afar. Anyway, this was before I had an amazing vision while on LSD of this black cat wandering through a dimly lit pyramid or underground temple. A lot of native peoples in Latin and South America use hallucinogenic drugs to uncover their power animal or totem animal. I took my visit from this black cat in ancient Egypt to have been one of those mystical moments of bonding because he appeared into my vision throughout that LSD trip whenever I felt anxious or edgy. His face would just appear in front of me and fracture into a honeycomb of many reflections of his face, which was accompanied by waves of peace emanating from his eyes. I know, a lot of this sounds kooky and that's fine if you feel that way but while I don't believe that all of this kind of stuff is real and meaningful; there is a part of these experiences, which seen the right way can be great guides as you navigate through life. So, the next time you see a stray cat--it might just be me. ;)

~The Green Man has Spoken~

Independent Pagan.

I have noticed a trend in American religious thought that many are leaving the cold, rigid religious boundaries of the past as we emerge from the cocoon of a puritanical society. The trend seems to be one of reclaiming one's independence and freedom to tailor one's philosophy/religion/belief system to what feels right for them. It is in that light from which I write out this declaration of what Paganism means to me. It's long but I hope you find it interesting.

It is but one branch, however, to my overall tree of beliefs, which also include Buddhism, Taoism, Hindu Mysticism, a bit of the Occult and Secular Humanism. I am writing this out mostly for my benefit as I explore what I believe as far as my Pagan side expresses. If anyone finds it useful or interesting then I'm happy to have aided you in some way:

I am of Scottish and Norwegian descent. My last name is an old Scottish one, which is also the name of a small fishing village not far off the northern, Scottish, Shetland islands on the far eastern coast of Norway. As my parents are Mormon they are very into family genealogy and figure that my Scottish ancestors were originally Norse Vikings who migrated to northern Scotland. Thus the fiery orange red beard I wear. I say all of this to say that the foundation of my Pagan philosophy is a mix of ancient Celtic, Gaelic and Norse pagan practices/beliefs. I'm also very atheistic so I am not one of those Pagans who believe in spells, praying to gods or worshiping other mythical beings. I enjoy them as aspects within myself represented in a very easy to understand and absorb fashion in visual images. That is why I connect so well to altars and images of gods as visual information is my best way of processing things. They are symbols to me of what I seek to embody, strive for and avoid.

I collect objects important to me, which I place upon my altar not because I believe they have any magical power but because they mean something meaningful to me. So to see all these personally sacred objects collected and positioned altogether, with care, is inspirational and visually very pleasing and thus calming to me. My therapist speaks of balancing my scales as I am a very pessimistic and cynical being. It's a weakness of mine I struggle with daily. So basically my scales are totally lopsided with negative stuff weighing the scale down to one side. One reason for my constant low level of depression and feelings of hopelessness come from not having enough positive things that bring my scale into more balance. So since I have realized that seeing all these images, (such as the ones on this blog, in my house and on my altar) bring me happiness, empowerment and peace I am embracing it.

Animism is another important facet to my independent Pagan philosophy as I spent two life changing years in Cote D'Ivoire, West Africa where I came into contact with the belief system. It is one that believes all things have a "life force" or "energy" within it that connects all things together in an interdependent web of existence. Rocks, plants, waterfalls, rivers, mountains, springs, trees, dirt, rain, etc. This blends nicely into my Buddhist, Taoist and general pagan beliefs. Traditional Animism believes these things such as objects or wooden statues represent spirits, which if given the right things will bless or curse you or others. However, again being atheistic I use my objects and locations as symbols of people and places that I cherish deeply.

These memories are more easily and more powerfully activated for me by visual representations, which I place on my Animist altar. The objects also represent my hopes and aspirations, which when contemplated upon bring about a feeling of peace and contentment. Some things I place upon either of my three altars without really knowing why -- just that they catch my attention and fascinate me. My altars are like moving art -- they are alive and a moving, ever evolving sacred space. I change things around based on the seasons, my mood, my intentions or just for a change. I often don't ask why I should put something where I place it but rather follow my intuition that it is meant to be there. If it's pleasing to the eye that is often enough for me to find it meaningful. Sometimes we ask too many questions and seek too much for reasons for doing things. This life is often about letting go and just following the flow of energy and see where it takes us.

The final aspect of my Pagan philosophy right now is that of Shamanism, which involves a Shaman acting as intermediary between the spirit world and the human realm. I don't believe in spirits much but I do believe that all things have an energy that could involve electromagnetic waves, which pulse throughout all objects and beings. Those waves would seem to affect and connect with the electrical behavior of our brain. It isn't the same as traditional electricity but in both cases they involved pules of energy radiating through a network of circuits. Plus, Earth has it's own magnetic field that is pulsing throughout everything that resides upon it. This would all explain why some places and people have a stronger pull to them than others such as the north and south poles, etc. However, I am severely digressing from discussing my interpretation and practice of Shamanism.

One of the other important aspects to Shamanism is connecting with, watching, learning from being guided by the animal kingdom. Animals have always been attracted to me, especially cats. Where ever we move there are always cats that seek us out. We have saved so many strays over the years. At this one place we lived there was this cat that would come and hang out with me on our porch. He would sit on the post of the railing and I would sit on the stairs and we'd just sit and absorbs the sights, sound and smells of nature together. I am very cat like with excellent reflexes, acute senses, strong spirit of independence and a creature of the night. So cat like animals are especially totem guides to me as well as hawks/eagles/owls but I find inspiration in all critters. I see them in part as omens. For example, I was about to head off to a weekend in Las Vegas (we all know what THAT means) but while we were waiting on the airplane they told us the previous flight that this plane had just landed from was being cleaned because it sucked a red-tail hawk into the engine!! I was horrorfied as the red-tail in particular is a favorite animal totem of mine as we both have red spots (it feathers and me my beard). So, well, the rest of that weekend in Vegas turned out of be one of the worst three days of my life. I should have known.

The other part of Shamanism that I have adopted is the role of healer. Since I was a young adult I've always taken an interest in plants and use to chew on mint leaves from my neighbors garden. Then one of my first and longest jobs was working at a vitamin and herb company selling it too people who would call in to place orders. I got to know what vitamins and herbs did what for a person's health. I have committed many of the herb books to heart and am that guy who is always suggesting herbs and natural remedies for common illnesses like colds, stomach ailments and the like. This includes psychoactive substances such as cannabis and magic mushrooms to explore the depths of consciousness. Well, I think that's enough for now.

~Be well~