Sadhu Destiny?

Being primarily a Buddhist, I guess it doesn't come as a surprise that I accept the ideas of past lives, karma and rebirth. I have had some vivid dreams before that weren't like any other. They were so much more real than my regular dreams. They have been vivid beyond imagination.

They were like the 3D movies you can experience now like "Avatar" mixed in with an advanced interactive virtual reality experience. They weren't disjointed or a mishmash of images from the day. They had an obvious beginning, middle and end with a clear message but I've only had a few in my entire 34 years on this beautiful Earth. That also makes these dreams that much more rare, which would support (to me) the idea of them being flashes of past lives.

In one of the most vivid, I was a novice Buddhist monk in Tibet climbing a mountain to a sacred spring to learn from my teachers a lesson in enlightenment. That in part would describe why I had such a strong pull toward Buddhism from the minute that I scratched its surface.

Now we get to the heart of the post--Sadhus. Sadhus are mystics, ascetics, wanderers and yoga gurus found in the Hindu religion in India. I have long had a fascination with India and found the esoteric, mystical traditions and rituals entrancing. The subcontinent pulls at my mind like a magnet. I gobbled up everything that I could find on Indian mysticism and felt like I was reading about a longing for a way of life that I'd had for years. This was to be a wandering mystic who sheds most of humanities trappings and embraces a life of mystical pursuits. I have always had wanderlust and still love to travel today as much as I can. I have also had a long-held disgust with modern human lifestyles and pined for a simpler life living on the edges of society. Well, imagine then my joy upon discovering the Sandhus!!

Being a Sadhu in India is considered the fourth and final stage of seeking moksha (or liberation) through meditation and contemplation -- sometimes within a drug induced trance provided by the smoking of cannabis/marijuana. Marijuana is considered a sacred plant by many Indians but especially the Sandhu because it is seen as divine as it is associated with the great Shiva who is said to like the herb. In preparation for ingesting the sacred drug they chant the many names of Shiva, who is said to represent the totality of all and epitomize balance between extremes. It is said that to smoke cannabis is to cleanse the body, mind and spirit.

According to one description, when the elixir of life was produced from the churning of the ocean by the gods and the demons, Shiva created the cannabis plant when it sprang up from a drop of the elixir dropped on the ground. I partake in ingesting marijuana pretty regularly but mostly for health and spiritual purposes. It settles my mind and relaxes me to prepare for long meditation sessions.

Anyway, being disabled from bipolar I am dependent upon a small insurance check and the pay-checks of my wife. We have no children and I have often fretted over what I'd do if my wife were to die before me. I have often said that the only thing keeping me alive and going is her, so I'd be beyond lost without her. Should that happen, my plan up until awhile ago was to just end my life but now I realize why I've been so attracted to the Sadhu life because I was either a Sadhu in a past life and/or it is a role I might have yet to play. I shrink away from the thought of living without my wife but one needs to prepare for all kinds of potentials. Without her, without my parents and without children, there would be nothing keeping me from being a wandering Sadhu. I would dedicate the rest of my life to a full-time spiritual pursuit to purify my mind and cleanse my karma to prepare for entering the next life. As well as cleansing the karma of the community around me. It seems like a calling and while I hope to outlive my wife, I am prepared.

It will either be that or going to a Buddhist monastery of being a hermit monk in China with other hermit Buddhist monks. I'll be doing a more in-depth post on the hermit monks soon.

The Way of the Hermit.

The world is spinning out of control faster and faster with each passing day. Narcissism is rampant and sociopaths seem to reproduce with all the speed of aggressive and tenacious cancer cells. Embracing harmony, co-operation, kindness, sharing and compromise use to be the currency of sanity but now these traits are considered "weak" and "naive." It is a world I no longer recognize but instead feels like a parallel dimension, which embraces the opposite of what we use to consider appropriate and beneficial behavior. I have invested a lot of time and energy into politics over the past 15 years to do my part in trying to restore sanity to this world. This took the form of fighting the conservatives in nearly every venue. So naturally I supported the Democratic Party here in America as the only viable alternative. I had high hopes that I was on the right "team" and put my complete trust in them.

They have been in the minority for most of those 15 years and thus I assumed once they regained power that they would move quickly to effect change. Especially given that's what that fraud Barack Obama pumped us with for two years during the campaign. Imagine my surprise and disgust, however, when I realized that they were ineffectual leaders who couldn't even agree amongst themselves let alone change the status quo of self-destruction, which has been the direct consequence of 30 years of conservative rule and brainwashing of America. I was patient for months with the Democrats as they worked to fulfill the promises they made to a country desperate for help. Then came this health care battle and seeing how disastrously they've handle that has snapped my will to defend them any longer. I am done with their ineptitude and corruption -- and the conservatives are straight out sociopaths. Thus, I'm embracing the Green Party and European style government. So am I increasingly dropping out of the institutions of this bizarre existence and cutting my ties with society one by one.

That void is being filled by nature, which is the last barrier to total world destruction and eradication of humanity. As it is right now, we live in our own filth due to over-consumption and are destroying the only home we have--Earth. Thus, we are like parasites who suck the life force out of their host (Earth) before moving onto the next victim except there is no where else to go but the way of the dinosaurs. As a consequence I find much of humanity to be infected with insanity and as destructive and brain dead as zombies. Therefore I retreat further into the cave that is my home; surrounded by an artificial rain forest of plants. I am a happily reclusive being who embraces the simple, solitary life of a hermit because if I try to stay too much apart of society I will lose my mind. It is better for myself and everyone else that I avoid most people.

My day-dreams usually consist of various ways to be a hermit such as: Monk-hood at a far-flung Buddhist monastery, building a cabin tucked away in the deep bowels of a dark and inaccessible forest or wandering the Earth with nothing but a robe, a bowl for food and a walking staff. I want to return to the life of my ancestors -- a simpler life of balance and freedom from the traps of modernity. I want to grow a beard down to my waist in protest of societies rigid, soul strangling "rules." I have tried playing by societies rules for 34 years and it has left me drained of hope for a better society and drained of tolerance of year after year of failure upon failure of society to get its shit together -- even a little bit. I haven't asked for complete utopia in the least but American society can't even seem to handle basic progress.

In just about every way my nature is one that falls outside what rigid, American society tolerates. It's not even that I try to be someone who is on the fringe of society on purpose but it has just shaken out that way. The majority of America is Christian -- I'm a Buddhist with a Pagan streak. I have a brain disorder (schizoaffective) and America as a whole doesn't accept such illnesses as real. Or they accept them as real but reject us as "defective" and worthy of shunning. Liberalism runs in my veins yet I live in a country dominated by not just conservatives but conservative extremists. I'm bi-curious in a world that demands nothing less than straight, neanderthal manhood. I'm college educated living in a country that despises intellectualism and an environmentalist in a place that worships oil and denies global warming. Why should I continue to embrace and support a society that rejects everything that makes up who I am? One day I'll disappear into the mysteries of the mountains like a lynx and be gone.

PHOTO CREDIT: Shut up and whisper

Independent Pagan.

I have noticed a trend in American religious thought that many are leaving the cold, rigid religious boundaries of the past as we emerge from the cocoon of a puritanical society. The trend seems to be one of reclaiming one's independence and freedom to tailor one's philosophy/religion/belief system to what feels right for them. It is in that light from which I write out this declaration of what Paganism means to me. It's long but I hope you find it interesting.

It is but one branch, however, to my overall tree of beliefs, which also include Buddhism, Taoism, Hindu Mysticism, a bit of the Occult and Secular Humanism. I am writing this out mostly for my benefit as I explore what I believe as far as my Pagan side expresses. If anyone finds it useful or interesting then I'm happy to have aided you in some way:

I am of Scottish and Norwegian descent. My last name is an old Scottish one, which is also the name of a small fishing village not far off the northern, Scottish, Shetland islands on the far eastern coast of Norway. As my parents are Mormon they are very into family genealogy and figure that my Scottish ancestors were originally Norse Vikings who migrated to northern Scotland. Thus the fiery orange red beard I wear. I say all of this to say that the foundation of my Pagan philosophy is a mix of ancient Celtic, Gaelic and Norse pagan practices/beliefs. I'm also very atheistic so I am not one of those Pagans who believe in spells, praying to gods or worshiping other mythical beings. I enjoy them as aspects within myself represented in a very easy to understand and absorb fashion in visual images. That is why I connect so well to altars and images of gods as visual information is my best way of processing things. They are symbols to me of what I seek to embody, strive for and avoid.

I collect objects important to me, which I place upon my altar not because I believe they have any magical power but because they mean something meaningful to me. So to see all these personally sacred objects collected and positioned altogether, with care, is inspirational and visually very pleasing and thus calming to me. My therapist speaks of balancing my scales as I am a very pessimistic and cynical being. It's a weakness of mine I struggle with daily. So basically my scales are totally lopsided with negative stuff weighing the scale down to one side. One reason for my constant low level of depression and feelings of hopelessness come from not having enough positive things that bring my scale into more balance. So since I have realized that seeing all these images, (such as the ones on this blog, in my house and on my altar) bring me happiness, empowerment and peace I am embracing it.

Animism is another important facet to my independent Pagan philosophy as I spent two life changing years in Cote D'Ivoire, West Africa where I came into contact with the belief system. It is one that believes all things have a "life force" or "energy" within it that connects all things together in an interdependent web of existence. Rocks, plants, waterfalls, rivers, mountains, springs, trees, dirt, rain, etc. This blends nicely into my Buddhist, Taoist and general pagan beliefs. Traditional Animism believes these things such as objects or wooden statues represent spirits, which if given the right things will bless or curse you or others. However, again being atheistic I use my objects and locations as symbols of people and places that I cherish deeply.

These memories are more easily and more powerfully activated for me by visual representations, which I place on my Animist altar. The objects also represent my hopes and aspirations, which when contemplated upon bring about a feeling of peace and contentment. Some things I place upon either of my three altars without really knowing why -- just that they catch my attention and fascinate me. My altars are like moving art -- they are alive and a moving, ever evolving sacred space. I change things around based on the seasons, my mood, my intentions or just for a change. I often don't ask why I should put something where I place it but rather follow my intuition that it is meant to be there. If it's pleasing to the eye that is often enough for me to find it meaningful. Sometimes we ask too many questions and seek too much for reasons for doing things. This life is often about letting go and just following the flow of energy and see where it takes us.

The final aspect of my Pagan philosophy right now is that of Shamanism, which involves a Shaman acting as intermediary between the spirit world and the human realm. I don't believe in spirits much but I do believe that all things have an energy that could involve electromagnetic waves, which pulse throughout all objects and beings. Those waves would seem to affect and connect with the electrical behavior of our brain. It isn't the same as traditional electricity but in both cases they involved pules of energy radiating through a network of circuits. Plus, Earth has it's own magnetic field that is pulsing throughout everything that resides upon it. This would all explain why some places and people have a stronger pull to them than others such as the north and south poles, etc. However, I am severely digressing from discussing my interpretation and practice of Shamanism.

One of the other important aspects to Shamanism is connecting with, watching, learning from being guided by the animal kingdom. Animals have always been attracted to me, especially cats. Where ever we move there are always cats that seek us out. We have saved so many strays over the years. At this one place we lived there was this cat that would come and hang out with me on our porch. He would sit on the post of the railing and I would sit on the stairs and we'd just sit and absorbs the sights, sound and smells of nature together. I am very cat like with excellent reflexes, acute senses, strong spirit of independence and a creature of the night. So cat like animals are especially totem guides to me as well as hawks/eagles/owls but I find inspiration in all critters. I see them in part as omens. For example, I was about to head off to a weekend in Las Vegas (we all know what THAT means) but while we were waiting on the airplane they told us the previous flight that this plane had just landed from was being cleaned because it sucked a red-tail hawk into the engine!! I was horrorfied as the red-tail in particular is a favorite animal totem of mine as we both have red spots (it feathers and me my beard). So, well, the rest of that weekend in Vegas turned out of be one of the worst three days of my life. I should have known.

The other part of Shamanism that I have adopted is the role of healer. Since I was a young adult I've always taken an interest in plants and use to chew on mint leaves from my neighbors garden. Then one of my first and longest jobs was working at a vitamin and herb company selling it too people who would call in to place orders. I got to know what vitamins and herbs did what for a person's health. I have committed many of the herb books to heart and am that guy who is always suggesting herbs and natural remedies for common illnesses like colds, stomach ailments and the like. This includes psychoactive substances such as cannabis and magic mushrooms to explore the depths of consciousness. Well, I think that's enough for now.

~Be well~

Cave Temples.

Since the dawn of man we have been fascinated, mesmerized and drawn to caves. Initially they were used for shelter and that feeling of refuge surely was partly why ancient Pagans saw them connected with the feminine. They were wombs of protection and these ancestors quite literally believed them to be the womb of Mother Earth herself. The sacredness was surely reinforced by their other worldly in appearances. They were the first "buildings" man inhabited and were surely, in part, the inspiration for future sacred spaces such as delicately decorated cathedrals, temples and mosques.Take a look at the small spires of a cathedral such as the ornate ones in the foreground of the picture above. Their design often is quite similar to the stalactites and stalagmites of caves and caverns. "It can be pointed out that the cella or naos of a classical temple was not provided with windows, so that the interior space was dark and cave-like (cf. the Athenian Acropolis). One set of doors provided the only access and the only source of natural light. The doors would have been opened on religious occasions, and perhaps at times when the location and angle of the sun (and because the temple was so oriented in the first place) permitted sunlight to penetrate directly into the otherwise dark interior space (such as occurs at Abu Simbel and Newgrange)."

Green Man: Being that my body runs hot I really like the coolness of caves and the damp, musty smell helps remind me that I'm in a place like nowhere else above ground. As I penetrate these caves it feels as if I literally am transported to another world. It's as though these caves are portals to exploring places not just inside the Earth but inside our spirit, mind and body. Other than that I can't really explain my affinity and pull toward caves. The first time I entered a cave as a kid I felt instantly at home in them, however, I must say that I don't like squeezing through tight spaces like those found in some caves.

In the Buddhist tradition caves have been the refuges of monks who seek out their isolation and quiet to meditate and practice enlightenment. That appeals me to immensely being that Buddhism is my main belief system. The life of a hermit cave dweller sounds wonderful given how crazy the world has become. In nature our ancestors found refuge in the woods, caves and mountains -- It is time that we rediscover that past and seek their safety and wisdom yet again.

-Be Well-